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mandate from on High to spread tidings of joy to all mankind can be seriously interested in taking up a collection to pay his salary； it causes one to suspect that the shaman is on the moral level of any。 other con man。
But it's lovely work if you can stomach it。
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A whore should be judged by the same criteria as other professionals offering services for pay…such as dentists； lawyers； hairdressers； physicians； plumbers； etc。 Is she professionally cor9petent？ Does she give good measure？ Is she honest with her clients？ …
It is possible that the percentage of honest and petent whores is higher than that of plumbers and much higher than that of lawyers。 And enormously higher than that of professors。
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Minimize your therbligs until it bees automatic； this doubles your effective lifetime…and thereby gives time to enjoy butterflies and kittens and rainbows。
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Have you noticed how much they look like orchids？ Lovely！
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Expertise it~ one field does not carry over into other fields。 But experts often think so。 The narrower their field of knowledge the more likely they are to think so。
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Never try to outstubborn a cat。
a
Tilting at windmills hurts you more than the windmills。
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Yield to temptation； it may not pass your… way again。
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Waking'a person unnecessarily should not be considered a capital crime。 For a first offense； that is。
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〃Go to hell！〃 or other insult direct is all the answer a
snoopy question rates。…
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The correct way to punctuate a sentence that starts： 〃Of course it is none of my business but…〃 is …to place a period after the word 〃but。〃 Don't use excessive force in supplying such moron with a period。 Cutting his throat is only a momentary pleasure and is bound to get you talked about。
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A man does not insist on physical beauty in a woman who builds up his morale。 After a while he ~ealizes that she is beautiful…he just hadn't noticed it at first。
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A skunk is better pany than a person who prides himself on being 〃frank。〃
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〃All's fair in love and war〃…what a contemptible lie！
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Beware of the 〃Black Swan〃 fallacy。 Deductive logic is tautological； there is no way to get a new truth out of it； and it manipulaies false statements as readily as true ones。 If you fail to remember this； it can trip you…with perfect logic。 The designers of the earliest puters called this the 〃Gigo Law；〃 i。e。； 〃Garbage in； garbage out。〃
Inductive logic is much more difficult…but can produce
new truths。…
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A 〃practical joker〃 deserves applause for his wit according
…to its quality。。 Bagtinado is about right。 For exception wit one might grant keelhauling。 But staking him out on an anthill should be reserved ~or the very wittiest。
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Natural laws have no pity。
第48节
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On the pla Tranquille around KM849 （G…O） lives a little animal known as a 〃knafn。〃 It is herbivorous and has no natural enemies and …is easily approached and may be petted
…sort of a six…legged puppy with scales。 Stroking it is very pleasant； it wiggles its pleasure and broadcasts euphoria in some band that humans can detect。 It's worth the trip。~
Someday some bright boy will figure out how to record this broadcast； then some smart boy will see mercial angles…and not long after that it will be regulated and taxed。
In the meantime I have faked… that name and catalog number； it is several thousand light…years off in another direction。 Selfish of me… …
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Freedom begins when you tell Mrs。 Grundy to go fly a kite。
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Take care of the cojones and the frijoles will take care of themselves。 Try to have getaway money…but don't b。 fanatic about it。
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If 〃everybody knows〃 such…and…such； then it ain't so； by at least …ten thousand to one。
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Political tags…such as royalist； munist； democrat； populist； fascist； liberal； conservative； and so forth…are never basic … criteria。 The human race divides politically into those who want people to be controlled and those who have no such desire。 The former are idealists acting from highest motives
for the greatest good of the greatest number。 The latter are surly curmudgeons； suspicious and lacking in altruism。 … But they are more ~omfortable neighbors than the other sort。
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All cats are not gray after midnight。 Endless variety…
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Sin lies only in hurting other people unnecessarily。 All other …
〃sins〃 are invented nonsense。 （Hurting yourself is not sinful
…just stupid。）；
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Being generous is inborn； being altruistic is a learned per…
…versity。 No resemblance…
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It is impossible for a man to love his wife wholeheartedly without loving all women somewhat。 I suppose that the converse must be true of women。 … …
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You can go wrong by being too skeptical as readily as by being too trusting。
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Formal courtesy between husband and wife is even more important than it is between strangers。
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Anything free is worth what you pay for it。…
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Don't store garlic near other victuals。
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Climate is what we expect； weather is what we get。
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Pessimist by policy； optimist by temperament…it is possible …
… to be both。 How？ By never taking an unnecessary chance and by minimizing risks you can't avoid。 This permits you to play out the game happily； untroubled by the certainty of the oute。 … …
Do not confuse 〃duty〃 with what other people expect of you； they are utterly different。 Duty is a debt you owe to yourself to fulfill obligations you have assumed voluntarily。 Pa~'ing that debt can entail anything from years of patient work to instant willingness to die。 Difficult it may be； but the
reward is self…respect。…
But there is no reward at all for doing what other people。 expect of you； and to do so is not merely difficult； but impossible。 It is easier to deal with a fodtpad than it is with the leech who wants 〃just a few minutes of your time； please… this won't take long。〃 Time is your total capital； and the minutes of your life are painfully few。 If you allow yourself to fall into the vice of agreeing to such requests； they quickly snowball to the point where these parasites will use up 100 percent of your time…and squawk for more！ …
So learn to say No…and to be rude about it when necessary。
Otherwise you will not have time to carry out your duty； or to do your own work； and certainly no time for love and happiness。 The termites will nibble away your life and leave none of it for you。 …
（This rule does not mean that you …must not do a favor for a friend； or even a strahger。 But let the choice； be yours。 Don't do it because it is 〃expected〃 of you。）
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〃I came； I saw； she conquered。〃 （The original Latin seems
to have been garbled。） ……
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A mittee is a life form with six or more legs and no brain。
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第49节
Animals can be driven crazy by placing too many in too small a pen。 Homo sapiens is the only animal that voluntarily does this to himself。 …
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Don't try to have the last word。 You might get it。 …
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…VARIATIONS ON A THEME
XIII
Boondock
〃Ira；〃 said Lazarus Long； 〃have you looked at this list？〃
He was lounging in the office of Colony Leader Ira Weatheral
at Boondock； largest （only） settlement on the pla Tertius。
With them was Justin Foote 45th； freshly arrived from New
Rome； Secundus。〃Lazarus； Arabelle addressed that letter to you。 Not to me。〃 〃That preposterous puff…gut will get me annoyed yet。 Her
Extreme Ubiquity Madam Chairman Pro Tern Arabelle FooteHedrick seems to think she has been crowned Queen of the
Howards。 I'm tempted to go back and pick up that gavel。〃
Lazarus passed the list to Weatheral。 ~'Giye it a gander； Ira。
Justin； did you have anything to do with this？〃 〃No； Senior。 Arabelle told me to deliver it and instructed
me to brief you in ways to insure delivery of Delay Mail from various eras…which does present problems for pre…Diaspora dates。 But I don't consider her ideas practical。 If I may so； I know more Terran history than she does。〃 …
〃I'm certain you do。 I'think she cribbed that list from an mcyclopedia。 Don't bother me with her notions。 Oh； you can transcribe … them and give me the cube； but I shan't play it。
Secundus was colonized that permits requisition of private property by the state。 Correct； Ira？〃
〃Technically correct； Lazarus。 Although there is long precedent for eminent domain in land。〃
〃Ira； I'd argue even that。 But have you ever heard of it being applied to spaceships？〃
〃Never。 Unless you count the 'New Frontiers。'〃
〃Ouch！ Ira； I didn't requisition the 'New Frontiers'； I stole it to save our skins。〃
〃I was thinking of Slayton Ford's part in it； not yours。 Constructive requisitioning； perhaps？〃
〃Mmm… It's pretty small of you to bring it up a couple of thousand years after his death。 Furthermore； had Slayton not done what he did； I wouldn't be here and you wouldn't be here。 Nor any of us。 Damn you； Ira。〃
〃Get your feathers down； Grandfather。 I was just pointing out that a head of state sometimes has to do things he would never do as a private individual。 But if Arabelle can requisition the 'Homing Pigeon' when it sits on Secundus； then you can do the same on Tertius。 You are each head of state of an autonomous pla。 Teach her a lesson。〃
〃Uh 。 。 Ira； don't tempt me。 It happened to me once。 If it got to be a habit； it would put a stop to interstellar travel。 I won't touch that bucket under any such flimsy legality。 But I do own it； indirectly； and if Justin wants to stay； he can turn it over to me； and I'll return it to Transport Enterprises。 Let's get back to that list。 See what the old bat wants？ The times and places she wants me to report on？〃
〃Looks like an interesting itinerary。〃
〃It does； eh？ Then you do it。 'Battle of Hastings…First； Third； and Fourth Crusades…Battle of Orleans…Fall of Constantinople…French Revolution…Battle of Waterloo。' Thermopylae and nieen other encounters between rough strangers。 I'm surprised she didn't ask me to referee the bout between David and Goliath。 I'm chicken； Ira。 I fight when I can't run…how does she think I managed to live so long？ Bloodshed is not a spectator sport。 If history says that a battle took place at a given location on a particular day； then I'll be somewhere…or somewhen…far away； sitting in a t