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I don't know how David induced his See…Pee…Oh to remend him； David never discussed this。 Suffice to say that； when David's ship steamed for the Mediterranean； David was dropped at Hampton Roads six weeks before the tutoring school convened。 He was a supernumerary during that time。 The Personnel Officer （in fact； his clerk） assigned David to a bunk and a mess； and told him to stay out of sight during working hours in the empty classrooms where his fellow hopefuls would meet six weeks later。 David did so； the classrooms had in them the books used in tutoring in academic subjects a candidate might lack…and David lacked them all。 He stayed out of sight and sat down and read。
That's all it took。
When the class convened； David helped tutor in Euclidean geometry； a required subject and； perhaps the most difficult。 Three months later he was sworn in as a naval cadet on the beautiful banks of the Hudson River at West Point。
David did not realize that he had jumped from the frying pan into the fire； the sadism of petty officers is a mild hit…ormiss thing pared with the calculated horrors visited on new cadets…〃plebes〃…by cadets of the senior classes； especially by the seniormost； the first classmen； who were walking delegates of Lucifer in that organized hell。
But David had three months to find this out and to figure out what to do； that being the time upper classes were on the briny； practicing warfare。 As he saw it； if he could last nine months of these hazards； all the kingdoms of the Earth would be his。 So he said to himself； if a cow or a countess can sweat out nine months； so can I。
He arranged the hazards in his mind in terms of what must be endured； what could be avoided； and what he should actively seek。 By the time the lords of creation returned to stomp on the plebes he had a policy for each typical situation and was prepared to cope with it under doctrine； varying doctrifles only enough to meet variations in situation rather than coping hastily on an improvised basis。
Ira…〃O King；〃 I mean…this is more important to surviving in tough situations than it sounds。 For example； Gramp… David's Grampaw； that is…warned him never to sit with his beck to door。 〃Son；〃 he said to him； 〃might be nine hundred and niy…nine times you'd get away with it…no enemy of your'n would e through that door。 But the thousandth
time…that's the one。 If my own Grampaw had always obeyed that rule； he might be aflve today and still jumping out bedroom windows。 He knew better； but he missed just once； through being too anxious to sit in on a poker game； and thereby took the one chair open； one with its back to a door。 And it got him。
〃He was up out of his chair and emptied three shots from each of his guns into his assailant before he dropped； we don't die easy。 But 'twas only a moral victory； he was essentially dead； with a bullet in his heart； before he got out of that chair。 All from sitting with his back to an open door。〃
Ira； I've never forgotten Gramp's words…and don't you forget 'em。
So David categorized the hazards and prepared his doctrines。 One thing that had to be endured was endless questioning； and he learned that a plebe was never permitted to answer； 〃I don't know； sir；〃 to any upperclassman； especially a first classman。 But the questions ordinarily fell into categories… history of the school； history of the Navy； famous naval sayings； names of team captains and star players of various athletic sports； how many seconds till graduation； what's the menu for dinner。 These did not bother him； they could be memorized
…save the number of seconds remaining till graduation； and he worked out shortcuts for that； ones that stood him in good stead in later years。
〃What sort of shortcuts； Lazarus？〃
Eh？ Nothing fancy。 A precalculated figure for reveille each morning； a supplementary figure for each hour thereafter； such as： five hours after six o'clock reveille subtracts eighteen thousand seconds from the base figure； and twelve minutes later than that takes off another seven hundred and twenty seconds。 For example at noon formation one hundred days before graduation； say at exactly twelve…oh…one and thirteen seconds； figuring graduation at ten A。M。 which was standard； David could answer； 〃Eight million； six hundred and thirty…two thousand。 seven hundred and twenty…seven seconds； sir！〃 almost as fast as his squad leader could ask him； simply from having precalculated most of it。
At any other time o' day he would look at his watch and pretend to wait for the second hand to reach a mark while in fact performing subtractions in his head。
But he improved on this； he invented a decimal clock…not the one you use here on Secundus； but a variation on Earth's clumsy twenty…four…hour day； sixty…minute hour； sixty…second
minute system then in vogue。 He split the time for reveille to taps into intervals and subintervals of ten thousand seconds a thousand seconds； a hundred seconds； and memorized ~ conversion table。
You see the advantage。 For anyone but Andy Libby； God rest his innocent soul； subtracting ten thousand； or one thousand； from a long string of digits up in the millions is easier to do in your head； quickly and without error； than it is to sub。tract seven thousand； two hundred； and seventy…three…the figure to be subtracted in the example I just gave。 David's new method did not 'involve carrying auxiliary figures in the mind while sea~ching for the ultimate answer。
For example； ten thousand seconds after reveille is eight forty…six forty A。M。 Once David worked out his conversion table and memorized it…took him less than a day； just memorizing was easy for him…once he had that down pat； he could convert to the hundred…second interval ing up next almost instantly； then add （not subtract） two digits representing the time still to go to the last two places in his rough answer to get his exact answer。 Since the last two places were always zeroes…。check it yourself…he could give an answer in millions of seconds as fast as he could speak the figures； and have it right every time。
Since he didn't explain his method； he got a reputation for being a lightning calculator； an idiot…savant talent； like Libby。 He was not； he was simply a country boy who used his head on a simple problem。 But his squad leader got so groused at him for being a 〃smart ass〃…meaning that the squad leader couldn't do it…that he ordered Dave to memorize the logarithm tables。 This didn't faze Dave； he didn't mind anything but 〃honest work。〃 He set out to do so； twenty new ones each day； that being the number this first classman thought would suffice to show up this 〃smart ass。〃
The first classman grew tired of the matter when David had pleted only the first six hundred figures…but Dave kept at it another three weeks through the first thousand…which gave him the first ten thousand figures by interpolation and made him independent of log tables； a skill that was of enormous use to him from then on； puters being effectively unknown in
those days。…'
But the unceasing barrage of questions did not bother David save for the possibility of starving to death at meal times… and he learned to shovel it in fast while sitting rigidly at attention and still ans。 Some were
trick questions？ such as； 〃Mister； are you a virgin？〃 Either way a plebe answered he was in trouble…if be gave a straight ans；wer。 In those days some importance was placed on virginity or the lack of it； I can't say why。
But trick questions called for trick answers； Dave found that an acceptable answer to that one was： 〃Yes； sir！…in my left ear。〃 Or possibly his belly button。
But most trick questions were intended to trap a plebe into giving a meek answer…and meekness was a mortal sin。 Say a first classman said； 〃Mister； would you say I was handsome？〃
…an acceptable answer would be； 〃Perhaps your mother would say so； sir…but not me。〃 Or 〃Sir； you are the handsomest man I ever saw who was intended to be an ape。〃
Such answers were chancy…they might ifick a first classman on the raw…but they were safer than meek answers。 But no matter how carefully a plebe tried to meet impossible standards； about once a week some first classman would decide that he needed punishment…arbitrary punishment without trial。 This could run from mild； such as exercises repeated to physical collapse…which David disliked as they reminded him of 〃honest work〃…up to paddling on the buttocks。 This may strike you as nothing much； Ira； but I'm not speaking of paddling children sometimes receive。 These beatings were delivered with the flat of a sword or with a worn…out broom that amounted to a long； heavy club。 Three blows delivered by a grown man in perfect health would leave the victim's bottom a mass of purple bruises and blood blisters； acpanied by excruciating pain。
David tried hard to avoid incidents likely to result in this calculated torture； but there was no way to avoid them entirely； short of quitting； as some first classmen awarded such blows through sheer sadism。 David gritted his teeth and accepted them when he had to； judging…correctly…that he would be run out of school if he defied the supreme authority of a first classman。 So he thought about the south end of that mule and endured it。
There was a much greater hazard to his personal safety and future prospects of a life free from 〃honest ilitary service included the idea that a prospective officer must excel in athletic sports。 Do not ask why； it was no more subject to rational explanation than' is any other branch of theology。
Plebes in particular had to…no choice！…go out for 〃sports。〃 Two hours each day which were nominally free David could
not spend napping or dreaming in the quiet Of the school's library； but must perforce spend in sweaty exercise。
Worse still； some 〃sports〃 were not only excessively energetic but also involved hazards to David's favorite skin； 〃Boxing〃
…this is a long forgotten； utterly useless； stylized mock bat in which two men batter each other for a preset period or until one is beaten unconscious。 〃La Crosse〃…this is a mock battle taken over from the savages who had formerly inhabited that continent。 In it mobs of men fought with clubs。 There was a hard missile with which points were scored…but it was the prospect of being sliced open or having bones broken with these clubs that aroused our hero's distaste。
There was a thing called 〃water polo〃 in which opposing swimmers attempted to drown each other。 David avoided that one by not swimming more than well enough to stay in school
…a required skill。 He was an excellent swimmer； having' learned at the age of seven through being chucked into a creek by two older cousins…but he concealed his skill。
The sport with highest prestige was a thing called 〃foot ball〃
…and first classmen sized up each new group of victims for candidates who might be expected to excel； or learn to excel； in this organized mayhem。 David had never seen it…but now he saw it and