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f mine and find all Earth’s desire。 Drink！ Drink of the Mysteries from the cup of this rich heart of mine and learn what Life can be。 Sleep！ Sleep and dream of naught but me on this kind breast of mine which shall breathe for you alone until the Night forgets her stars。’”
“Touch not； taste not； handle not；” answers the cold stern Law。 “Pass on； she is not thine。”
Often enough it is Nature that prevails and； having eaten of the apple that She； our Mother； gives us； we desire no other fruit。 But always the end is the same： its sweetness turns to gravel in our mouth。 Shame es； sorrow es； e death and separations。 And； greater than all of these； remorse rises in the after years and stands over us at night； since； when our eyes are no longer clouded with the mists of passion； we see and bewail our wickedness。
For sin has this quality。 Like some bare； black peak in a plain of flowers it dominates all our landscape。 However far we wander never can we escape the sight of it。 Our virtues； such as they may be； are dwarfed and lost in the dark shadows thrown up by our towering crime。 True and honest love of wife and child； unceasing thought for others； vicarious sufferings on behalf of others； often sharp enough to sadden； whatever kind deeds and charities may lie within our power； the utter and heartfelt forgiveness of all who have wronged us； the struggles that we made as the snare closed round us； the memories of those keen temptations from which we have escaped — it will be noted that these are ever of a sort to appeal to whatever sin doth so easily beset us — high friendships well deserved； fair fame well won； duty well done； such are the flowers upon the plain we travel。 Yet we forget them； we do not even note them； because of that black mount of evil which our stained hands piled and the icy gloom it throws。 Never； never can we be free of it till prayer has brought unfeigned repentance； and these； hand in hand； have led us on to Faith； and Faith； opening her door； has shown us the far…off glory of Forgiveness； which glory； growing ever brighter； falls at length upon our heads in blessing and； when we turn our dazzled eyes to seek the familiar mount of shame — lo！ it is gone。
The third head； that of the necessity of repentance； needs no elaboration。 Of it I have already said enough。 If we have forgotten out Creator in the days of our youth — or even of our age — let us at least obey the cry of His Messengers； and repent； repent while there is yet time。 “The Promises are sure if only we will believe” were the last words of my friend； the aged William Booth — very true words。 And of these promises perhaps the greatest and the happiest for man is that of full and free forgiveness to those who kneel and from the heart will say； “Father； I have sinned。 Father； forgive！”
But to do this we must have Faith。 When Faith fails there is nought but blackness in which we wander helplessly and in vain。 Even our Lord （as I venture to think； and I know one very learned bishop who agrees with me） as a man perhaps walked the world more by Faith than by knowledge。 It may be that this was the heaviest of His temptations — the temptation to admit some creeping doubt into His own mission and Divinity。 If so we can well understand the full magnificence of His sacrifice and the glory of His triumph。 Once； indeed； in the moment of agony and mortal weakness that Doubt seems to have conquered Him： I mean in the cry upon the Cross； “My God！ My God！ Why hast Thou forsaken Me？”
If this be so let us take fort； since where He seems to have failed； how can we； His poor servants； always expect to succeed？ “Lord； I believe； help Thou my unbelief！” Such should be our daily petition； which will not go unheeded。
The shores of India draw near； and I have finished the sermon which something has prompted me to write； whereof I will say that； however much it may be mocked at； I hope at least it can do no harm in the after years。 It is the only one I ever posed or shall pose； and brief； bare as it is； it has taken me half a lifetime to think out its underlying principles。 （How do clergymen succeed in evolving one or two on every Sunday of their active lives； I wonder！）
What is the sum of it all？ This。 That my spiritual experience leads me to take a higher view of man than that which declares him to be but a physical accident。 That； through all the winds and weeping of this rough world； I hear the whisper of the still； small voice of God directing us from on high。 That； by the gift of His Christ （and mayhap in many another way）； He has provided a means of Redemption for every soul that breathes in flesh。 That； however often they may fail or stumble； He will love and save those who try to love and obey Him as they understand Him。 That those who reject Him must themselves run a risk of rejection and of darkness； since； if we choose Death； Death will be given to us。 Whatever good thing we desire we may have； but to have we must desire。 That He will forgive all； whatever be their sins； who strive to believe and yearn to be forgiven。 That He； or His Messengers； will fort us in our dark； ultimate hour of mortal agony （may it prove short and sudden！） and awful death sleep； and be with us in the light of the last Awakening。 That He will lead us to our lost ones； who are dearer to us than life； in the home He has prepared for us and those who wish to dwell there in our pany and； from Eternity to Eternity； in some place where sin and Satan do not e； will wipe all tears from off our faces。 That in due season He will gather to us those other dear ones whom we have loved upon the earth and who do not forget us although we have been borne away。 That； if it pleases Him to touch us with His Fire on the lips and give us back our whitened spirits； filled with the fulness of individual life； at His unending tasks and service in other Worlds or Heavens we shall grow ever brighter and more glorious until； spheres and aeons hence； after this earth where we have no abiding city has bee to us but a troubled dream； though we be still very far away； at length we approach to the Divinity of Christ’s own perfect nature。 That all Love is immortal。 It is God’s light permeating the universe； and therefore incapable of diminution or decay。 That Christianity is true； although I do not understand and have no right as yet to expect to understand the origin of its mysteries or the reason of the necessity for its great Sacrifice。 Its fruits upon earth alone suffice to show that it is true； since by the fruit it bears must every tree be judged。 That the heart of Faith is Christ； and that to His Cross I cling。
Such are the conclusions — old conclusions； but none the worse for that； since each soul must find them for itself — reached during the lifetime of a storm…driven； wayward man with too much heart； perhaps； for happiness here below； who yet； he trusts； is not altogether bad。 For if he be bad why； from his mother on； should so many of his panions in this winter pilgrimage have been moved to love him well — as he prays that； notwithstanding all his errors； God does also and will do for aye！ Amen。
Chapter 24 APPENDIX
＇The following speech was delivered to the Canadian Club； in the Russell House； Ottawa； in March 1905； when Sir Rider Haggard （at that time Mr。 H。 Rider Haggard） was in Canada as missioner appointed by the Colonial Office。 His instructions were to visit and report on Labour Colonies established in the U。S。A。 by the Salvation Army。 After inspecting them he was to proceed to Ottawa and discuss the subject with Earl Grey； then Governor…General of Canada。
Sir Rider wished this speech to be inserted as an appendix to “The Days of My Life；” as it gives the essence of his views on the subject of the settlement of the surplus town population of Great Britain on the unoccupied land of the empire； a subject to which he devoted so much time and energy。
mander Booth Tucker； of the Salvation Army； was with Sir Rider on this occasion； and also spoke。 There was a record attendance of members of the Canadian Club； Mr。 W。 L。 Mackenzie King （Prime Minister of the Dominion in June 1926） being in the Chair。 — Ed。＇
I will begin by making a confession。 The other day I had the honour of addressing the branch of your society in Toronto； and there； for one solid half…hour； did I inflict myself upon them。 I began to wonder how much they would stand。 Well； I sat down and thought they must bless me for doing so。 The next day I saw some of the newspapers； including one which stated that your humble servant had made what they were pleased to call a very interesting but exceedingly brief address。 I thought to myself： If this is called brief in Toronto； I wonder what is long。 I took a few opinions on the point。 I asked why they called a speech of that length a brief one。 My friend’s answer was that it had to do with your parliamentary institutions。 He told me that it on in your House of mons throughout the country； for speeches to run from two to three hours； and therefore that is the standard and model of time by which addresses are judged。
Now； gentleman； I say to you at once that； high as might be that honour and greatly as I should desire it in any other circumstances； I feel that I should never be petent to be a member of a House of mons of which this is true。 Gentlemen； your president has made some very kind allusions to me and to my rather — what shall I call it？ — varied career。 He has spoken； for instance； of Africa。 Well； gentlemen； it is true I began my life as a public servant in Africa； and many wonderful things I saw there。
I was in at the beginning； so to speak； of all the history we are living through today。 I was with Sir Theophilus Shepstone when we annexed the Transvaal； as your president says； I had the honour of hoisting the flag of England over it。 Gentlemen； I lived； too； to see the flag pulled down and buried。 And I tell you this — and you； as colonists as I was； will sympathise with me — it was the bitterest hour of my life。 Never can any of you in this room realise the scene I witnessed upon the market…square of Newcastle when the news of the surrender of Majuba reached us。 It was a strange scene； it was an awful scene。 There was a mob of about 5；000 men； many of them loyal Boers； many Englishmen； soldiers even； who had broken from the ranks — and they marched up and down raving； yet weeping like children — and swearing that whatever they were they were no longer Englishmen。
That is what I went through in those days； and I only mention it to tell you how I came to leave South Africa。 For I agreed that it was no longer a place for an Englishman。 Still； time goes on； the wheels swing full circle； things change。 I remember that after that I wrote a book。 It was a history。 And in that book I went so far as to say — I remember it well； and there it stands in black and white to be read — that unless some change occurred； unless more wisdom； more patriotism and a different system altogether prevailed in African affairs； the result would be a war which would tax the entire resources of the British Empire。 Gentlemen； have we not had that war？ And at that time what did they say？ They laughed at me； an unknown young man。 And； years later； when the war was on； they dug up the book a